


Memento Mori

by BIGHANK (piano_fire)



Series: Threadfic Collection [4]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Illness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, Healing, M/M, Praise Kink, Recovery, Trans Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Vaginal Sex, reference to child death, trans character written by trans person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 15:45:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19176400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piano_fire/pseuds/BIGHANK
Summary: Connor is trapped working at a diner in a small town, determined to help him and his sick brother escape one day. All the weeks blend together, and nothing changes.But then a mysterious stranger walks in one afternoon, and Connor quickly learns that nobody lives a life without loss.





	1. Fugeret

**Author's Note:**

> Original completion date: 3/15/19
> 
> Last polished threadfic until I finish my other thread WIPs! Woohoo! (btw YouTube AU is getting its own fic, I didn't forget!)
> 
> Okay so where to begin with this one. This story is so important to me. It came to me on a whim when I was in the middle of nowhere in New Mexico; It was on the way to starting my new life, and leaving a lot of painful memories behind. I wanted to write a story detailing the different types of grief. We talk about grief over loved ones dying a lot, and for good reason. But I wanted to draw parallels between that and feeling like you've lost your life. Grieving over what could've been, your shattered dreams, a life stolen from you from circumstances out of your control. Additionally, I wanted to write about Lupus in honor of my old friend, and the grief associated with that. 
> 
> But above all, I wanted to write about healing. I wanted to write about finding that inner strength through whatever means necessary; In this case, through the love and connection of someone just as broken as oneself. I hope that if you do connect to this story in any way, it can bring you some kind of comfort.
> 
> Format is different because I wrote it on Twitter, you get the drill. Folks who have read this before may notice I made some adjustments to events and the timeline. I just wasn't big on some of the choices I made before, so those are fixed.
> 
> Here's the [original thread](https://twitter.com/BlGHANK/status/1105644627883843584) , and my entire [thread moment](https://twitter.com/i/moments/1086477396918837248) for those interested.
> 
> CW: Coping with the use of alcohol, emotionally abusive parent, suicidal ideation, mentions of death of a child/parent, chronic illness (specifically Lupus and cystic fibrosis). Connor has a vagina and language used include dick, cock, and hole. He's also pre top surgery.

Down in southwestern Indiana, there sits a sleepy town with not much more than a diner, a few general stores, and a small high school. With only around three hundred residents, everyone knows and relies on each other. 

It’s the dream for some people, but not for Connor. Born and raised in this tiny town, never leaving except to drive the two hours to pick up his hormones. He always had dreams to be a freelance photographer, but his responsibilities didn’t allow it. Straight out of high school he was ushered into this shitty diner job. 

He’s been working there for ten years now. 

In reality, he could leave if he wanted to. Not many people escape, but it’s happened before. He has money, a car, job experience, and a portfolio. But he’s obligated to his family. A single mother spending all her time tending to her chronically ill son. Niles’ well being depends on Connor’s paycheck. 

He remembers that day, they drove three hours to Indianapolis to find a hospital that could help him. It’d been months since the rashes first started appearing. At this point the pain in his joints and constant fatigue kept him in bed. Seizures were the breaking point. He was supposed to graduate soon.

Lupus, the doctors said. Rare to affect men, a lot of his symptoms were outliers. Real fucking lucky. For the next ten years Connor sunk most of his earnings into his brother’s expensive medication, very slowly building up his savings. His mother refused to leave his side, even when he was in remission. He wasn’t to work or leave the house.

Connor is his only friend. And now... He’s here. In some dead end job at a run down diner, working with his old classmates. No escape for him nor Niles. The days blurred together, his only escape being his photography. The same damn people came in each day. But sometimes, there would be a stranger. 

Connor wasn’t sure of what day or even month it was anymore, except that it was cold and dreary outside. Not many customers on a day like this.

The familiar sound of a bell echoes through the empty diner, alerting Connor someone was coming inside. He looks up, expecting a coworker. Instead, he’s greeted with the site of a large, burly man. His button up is untucked and littered with stains. Connor can’t make out many of his features beneath the sunglasses and faded blue snapback, but he’s certain this isn’t someone he knows. The mystery man lumbers over to the counter and plops down on a stool, ignoring the menu displayed above Connor. 

“Just a black coffee, thanks.” He mutters gruffly. 

“Anything els-“

“Just. The coffee. Thanks.” His voice is strained. Connor flinches. He’s used to the kindness of his usual patrons, so anytime someone is snappy it’s still a bit jarring. The man slides a wrinkled $5 bill across the counter, and Connor goes about processing the transaction and passing the order back to the kitchen. He knows based on the brief interaction the stranger isn’t all that talkative, but Connor’s natural curiosity nags at him. He always loved hearing where the travelers came from, and where they were headed; Always asked to see some pictures if they were willing to share. 

A holler from the kitchen pulls Connor from his thoughts; The coffee is ready.

He places it in front of the stranger without ceremony. When the man takes a sip, Connor seizes the moment.

“Just passing through?” 

The man’s face pulls into a grimace. “What’s it matter to you.” He snaps. 

“Just making conversation.” Connor manages to bite back a sarcastic remark. He doesn’t like to judge, but he’s decided he doesn’t quite like this man.

“Just leave me be, kid.” 

Connor snorts and goes about wiping down the counter. As soon as the man finishes his coffee, he gets up and leaves. He was probably only here for a quick rest stop. Good riddance. 

 

\---

 

That night at home, Connor sits on Niles’ bed, regaling the details of his day as he usually does. 

“And then comes in this huge fucking guy, looks like he hasn’t washed his clothes in days, and he thinks he can be snappy with me?”

“Gasp! The nerve!” Niles pretends to faint. 

Connor lightly nudges Niles’ arm. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” He smiles. 

For the next hour Connor keeps talking about that day’s escapades as Niles drifts go sleep. 

He’d been sleeping more lately. 

 

\---

 

The next day slowly drifts on, more customers filing in with the nicer weather. Towards the end of his shift, a familiar figure walks through the door

“Oh, it’s you.” Connor sighs.

The man stops on his tracks and even with sunglasses on, Connor can tell he’s staring incredulously. “Oh sorry, it’s just that we rarely get return customers from out of town.” He feigns innocence, smiling sweetly.

The man just shakes his head and sits on the same stool as yesterday.

“Black coffee, thanks.” 

In no time Connor is setting the steaming cup in front of him once again. The man takes a sip. 

“So, will I be seeing you around more?” 

The stranger raises an eyebrow. Right, that probably sounded strange. 

Connor clears his throat. “I just mean... We usually only have people passing through. How long are you staying?”

The man grunts and sets the cup down. “No offense kid, but it really isn’t any of your business.” 

Connor is many things, but a quitter isn’t one of them.

“I know, I’d just... Like to know I guess.” It was more than that. The mystery surrounding the man taunted him. He wants to know what this guy’s deal is, where he’s from, how he ended up here. Why he was like this. 

Every detail. 

The man chuckles; the first trace of good humor ever since he first arrived. “You know what? I’m not even sure if I can answer that.” 

He sets the half empty cup down and leaves. 

 

\---

 

As soon as he arrives home, he relays the information to Niles.

“No but seriously, what is this guy’s deal?!” Connor grumbles.

“Maybe he’s playing hard to get.” Niles yawns. 

“Dude he’s like, 40 or some shit. I’d hope he’s grown past that.”

“You never know.” He mumbles as he drifts off.

Connor stays sitting on his bed for a few moments as his breathing evens out. It’s hard not to worry. 

 

\---

 

The next two days there’s no sign of the man. Perhaps he’d left, but admittedly the lack of closure bothered Connor to no end. But he’d move on. He had to. 

Until day three, just 10 minutes before close. The mystery man stumbles in, the scent of alcohol permeating the air. Connor ditches the dishrag he’d been using to wipe down the counters the fifteenth time that day and rushes to the stranger’s side. He eases him down into a booth near the entrance.

“Sir, are you alright?!” A dumb question, honestly. This guy looked completely trashed. The man grumbles something unintelligible before setting his head down on the table. Connor sighs and hops up to grab a glass of water.

This is going to be a long night. 

Connor manages to coax the man into drinking some water, little by little. It doesn’t do much to sober him up, but he was able to sit up at the very least. 

“I know I’m just this weird, pushy cashier to you, but if you want to talk about what happened...” He trails off.

The man is shaking his head and burying his face in his hands. Connor doesn’t blame him, he wouldn’t want to talk in this state either.

“Well... Can you tell me anything? Your name, maybe?”

There’s a long pause, the only sound in the diner is the man’s shallow breathing. “Hank.” He grunts. Connor nearly missed it.

“Alright Hank, I really need to close up, so if you could tell me where you’re staying I can help you over there.” Connor pats his back awkwardly. 

“‘s across the street.” He slurs. 

“Thank god.” Connor mutters. The only other motel was on the other side of town. This shouldn’t be too difficult. 

He gently eases Hank up on his feet, sliding his arm over his shoulders. The pair amble across the empty street, stopping in the parking lot. 

“Please tell me you remember your room number.” 

Hank digs around in his pocket and and shoves the room key into Connor’s chest. He flinches before prying the key away from Hank’s shaky hands. 

Room #14. At least they didn’t have to go up a set of stairs. Eventually after quite a bit of fumbling with the door, they make it into the room. Connor gently sits Hank down on the bed. 

“Do you need anything else?” No matter how much Hank had rubbed him the wrong way, he didn’t want the man to suffer.

He shakes his head shifts to lay down.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters.

Of all the responses Connor was expecting, it certainly wasn’t an apology. 

“It’s okay, I always take care of my patrons... Even if they’re a little moody.” Hank cracks a tired smile at that remark. “Listen... You should get some rest. But if you swing by the diner tomorrow morning, I got the best hangover cure on this side of Indiana. Works four out of five times.” Connor winks. 

Hank nods, and Connor can only hope he remembers his offer when he wakes up. “Well... See you tomorrow, Hank.” He heads towards the door, taking one final glance around the room. An empty suitcase lays down in the back corner of the room, but otherwise it was unremarkable. 

He goes about closing quickly and heads home.

He doesn’t tell Niles what happened.

 

\---

 

Connor comes into work bright and early to open. He honestly wasn’t expecting Hank to show; Even if he wasn’t trashed, Connor overstepped a dozen boundaries. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to let that slide, but then again he did misjudge him before. 

The breakfast rush comes and goes, and about half past noon that telltale jingle causes Connor to swerve his head towards the door.

Hank, wearing the same pair of sunglasses and faded hat, along with a surprisingly clean hoodie. He trudges over and slowly settles onto the stool.

“How you feeling, champ?” Connor leans on his elbows, looking Hank up and down. 

Hank scoffs. “Seriously?” 

“It’s polite to ask. But really, I’m surprised you remembered.”

Hank shrugs. “Were you being serious about that hangover thing?”

“I’d never lie about my credentials.” Connor winks. “Give me a minute and I’ll get that whipped up for you, on the house.”

His face scrunches into a frown. “Why are you being so nice to me?” 

Connor hums. “Well, in my experience most people aren’t assholes for no reason. And don’t get me wrong, you _have_ been an asshole! But I know nobody stays in this shitty town longer than they need to.”

Hank grunts. “I really am sorry about... Everything.” It was probably the best apology he was gonna get. But something still nagged at Connor about last night.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”  
Hank snorts. “Guess I owe ya that much.” 

“Why... Why did you come here? Last night? I know there aren’t many places you can go, but...” Connor trails off, the unspoken words weighing heavily on his tongue. 

Hank reaches up to slowly remove his sunglasses. He has piercing blue eyes, bloodshot from a poor night’s sleep. He squints, trying to adjust to the light, and locks eyes with Connor. “I can’t remember exactly what I was thinkin’... But what I do know is that you're the only person I had. And I’m sorry you had to see that.” 

Connor frowns, trying to parse the meaning of Hank’s words. 

“Well... I’m uh, glad I could help. I’ll get that drink mixed for you.” Connor rushes off to the back before he can worsen anything.

As he’s preparing the concoction, he can’t help but let his mind wander back to Hank’s admission. Had he just... Not gone anywhere else in town? Was Connor the only person he was comfortable with for whatever reason? Why didn’t he call his family, his friends? So many questions he was sure he wouldn’t get the answer to, at least not anytime soon. 

Once he’s mixed the drink to a sickly green color, he knows it was ready to serve. He pours it into one of the diner’s larger coffee cups and places it in front of Hank. 

“Oh Christ that reeks. What’s in this shit?” Hank grimaces.

“If I told you then you wouldn’t drink it.” Connor smiles sympathetically. There’s a reason this wasn’t on the official menu. 

Hank sighs and takes a sip, immediately sputtering. 

“Jesus fucking Christ!”

“I promise it works! You just... Have to drink the whole thing.” Connor says to stop himself from laughing. 

“You’re not fucking with me, right?”

Connor gasps dramatically. “I would never!” 

The corner of Hank’s mouth pulls into a small smile, and he shakes his head before chugging. By the end of it, he’s sweating. Connor tries and fails to stop himself from chuckling. He looks positively miserable.

“How long does this shit take to work?” Hank sounds dead inside. 

“It’s different for everyone, but for me it usually takes half an hour. You can chill here for a bit if you’d like, it’s usually pretty slow here on weekdays.”

Hank nods. “Fucking A.”

Connor is quiet for a moment, but being ever so curious, he returns to grilling Hank in no time. “So... You gonna tell me where you’re from?”

Hank chuckles. “I think I’d like to limit it to one personal question a day, thanks.” 

“I can live with that. Want to know anything about me?” Connor cocks his head. 

Hank frowns, thinking for a moment. “Yeah, actually. How’d you end up in this hole of a town?”

It’s not something Connor gets to talk about often. Strangers rarely ask about him. So he tells him everything, it just all spills out. His father’s death when he was just three, the first camera he got for Christmas when he was eight. How ruthless and bigoted his high school bullies were, and how he still has to see them everyday. How just two weeks before graduation he had to take his twin brother to the hospital, and how sick he’s been since. 

And at this point Connor knows he’s overshared but Hank has been invested the whole time, soaking up each and every word. He cringes at the harder parts. He seems to actually care? Or at the very least, is good at acting. 

“And so basically I just... Want to get out of here. Run away. I can’t leave Niles behind though. I’m trying to save up for both of us.” He sighs. “It’s just so hard when Mom refuses to work. She’s always been a hypochondriac but it’s suffocating now. Niles wants to see the world like me, but she treats him like he’s made of glass.” 

He stares down at his hands sitting clasped on the counter. 

“I don’t know... Maybe I’m just being selfish.”

Connor doesn’t dare meet Hank’s eyes. He’s said too much.

“Hey, look at me.” Hank whispers. Connor shyly turns back towards him, still struggling to meet his eyes. 

“Putting all your money into your family and giving up on your dreams may be the most selfless thing I’ve ever heard, alright? I may not know you well, but I can be sure that you’re allowed to have dreams. What you’re doing here is noble, but... Don’t forget you deserve some happiness too, Connor.” 

He blushes, taken aback by sentiment. And well, his name sounds really good in Hank’s voice. “Thank you... Nobody’s ever said that to me before.”

Hank shakes his head. “Damn, the people in this town suck.” Connor huffs a laugh.

“Jesus... I’ve said too much. Sorry for boring you.” 

“Far from it. And coming from a guy who sucks with talking about shit, it’s better out than in.” Hank smiles softly. 

And then Hank’s eyes widen. “Oh shit.” 

“What is it?” Connor is immediately concerned. 

“I just noticed my hangover is fucking gone. You should sell that shit, Jesus.” Hank grins. 

Connor sighs in relief. “Told you so.” 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let it get to your head.”

Hank gets up and smacks a $10 bill on the counter. “For the cure... And entertaining this old dog for so long. Put it towards your savings.” He winks.

Connor’s sure he looks silly standing there frozen, mouth agape.

“I-I can’t accept this!” He stammers. 

“Sure you can. Listen I... I get the whole escape thing, okay? I know how it feels and... Yeah.” Hank trails off awkwardly.

“Okay wow uh, thank you! And Hank?” He’s halfway to the door when he stops in his tracks. “I don’t know what’s going on but... you deserve to be happy too”

Something breaks in Hank’s face. He gives Connor a sad smile and a curt nod, and promptly leaves. 

Connor groans and buries his face in his arms. He must’ve overstepped again. Hopefully Hank comes back tomorrow, at least so he can apologize. 

 

\---

 

When Connor gets home that night, the house is in chaos. He sensed a flare was coming from Niles’ recent fatigue, but he can never prepare himself enough for each time it happens. 

Niles is curled up in bed, sweating from his high fever. The rash on his face is red and angry, sores line his mouth and he knew his joints must be in bad shape as well. 

His mother kneels next to his bed, sobbing, trying her best to help control his fever. So many pill bottles, tears, misery in this bedroom. Connor takes a deep breath and tries to keep himself grounded. He has to. If he loses his cool, everything falls apart. He kneels next to his mother and hugs her tightly.

“It’ll pass, it always does.” Connor whispers. 

She shakes her head. “He had two seizures while you were at work. He hasn’t had one in years.”

Connor swallows thickly. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“We can’t afford you to lose any hours, Connor. I think he may need another hospital trip soon. Figure out why these started up again.”

Connor nods solemnly. When the seizures stopped they took him off the medication, it was far too expensive. They thought it’d be fine. It’s not like they had any choice in the matter. 

But now... If they start back up, Connor might need to work a second job again. It cost more than his car payments each month. 

He wills the stress away for the time being. He had to be there for Niles. He sits on the bed, next to Niles, and runs his fingers through his hair. It’s always helped calm him down. 

His mother takes that as her cue to leave. 

Niles starts sobbing as soon as she’s gone, his resolve crumbling. 

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Connor breathes. Niles doesn’t cry often.

“It feels like fucking head is going to explode.” He whines. “I can’t fucking move.”  
“What can I do the help?” Connor feels tears begin to well up. It’s hard not to be effected by your brother breaking down from pain. 

“Just.. Distract me, please. The damn pills aren’t working.”

Connor hums, thinking for a moment. “Would you like to hear about my day?”

“Please.”

Connor rubs his eyes, willing the tears away. He has to be strong. 

He clears his throat. “That asshole came by again today.”

Niles manages a weak smile. “Oh really? Did you give him a piece of your mind?”

“Hmm... Not exactly. He was awfully hungover so I gave him the good ol’ Arkait Annihilator.”

“Oh Jesus Connor... He may be an ass but no man deserves to be subjected to that.” 

“Well it worked!”

“For the last time Connor, it’s psychosomatic. Throwing day old onion rings in a blender doesn’t add any healing properties.” Niles chuckles, grimacing a bit in the process. 

“Hey man, if it works, it works. That’s all that matters.” 

“Whatever you say. Why’d you help the asshole, then?”

Connor worries his lip, wondering how he can easily omit the previous night. 

“Well... He came in grouchy as usual, but I gave him my wildly successful cure, and we got to talking. He apologized and we had a good conversation. He even gave me a nice tip.”

“Hmm, and that’s enough for you to forgive his dickishness?”

Connor snorts. “You weren’t there, okay? I can tell he’s a softie. And don’t tell mom but, it was a damn generous tip.” 

Niles hums. “Just don’t get yourself hurt.” 

Connor scoffs. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Niles yawns. “Oh you know, you have a habit of being far too nice to shitty guys. I’m not strong enough to beat up the dudes that hurt you anymore.”

It stings. “That would only be a concern if I liked him that way.”

Niles face cracks into a strained grin. “You’re so transparent Connor. Always have been.” 

“Fuck you.”

“Little Connie, smitten as a kitten.” He teases. 

“You’re insufferable.”

“But you love me.”

Connor sighs. “I do.”

Niles pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath. “You know I just want you to be happy, right?”

Connor feels the irritation dissipate. “I do. And I want the same for you.” 

“Then just... Be careful. If this guy is nice and will make you happy, I’m all for it. I just know you deserve someone that doesn’t bring you down” 

Connor tries to believe those words, but it’s so damn hard.

“I know... Good thing I don’t like him then.” Connor gets up, heading towards the door. 

“Whatever you say.”

Connor just smiles. “You need to rest. Goodnight, Ni.” 

“Goodnight, thanks for staying with me tonight.”

“Anytime.” His voice cracks as he rushes out of the room. He breaks down in his room. He feels selfish, weak. His concern for Niles envelops his entire being, ugly bile churning in his stomach. He knows the double meaning of his words. He always had viewed himself as a burden. But Connor knew he wasn’t and he wanted to keep his promise.

But now he just felt stuck, and it felt like he was rotten. Selfish. Cruel. He couldn’t deny he was a bit sweet on Hank, and that just made him feel worse. How can he focus on some stranger out of town when Niles is suffering? How did he let him get in his head? Truth be told, Connor had given up on his dreams long ago. He keeps trying to save in vain. The knowledge that he could escape taunts him, but he wouldn’t dare. Not until he could save both of them, and he hates himself for the temptation. 

He tries to sleep. 

 

\---

 

He can’t. 

When the sun rises Connor’s barely gotten a wink of shuteye. He slogs through his morning routine and still manages to get to the diner just in time to open. 

As he wipes down the counters, he thinks about how to handle things with Hank. He’s the closest thing to a friend he’s had in a while, even if they barely know each other. He’d feel terrible if he suddenly went cold on him, but in the same vein he can’t let himself get distracted.

But as it turns out the heart wants what it wants. Around the same time as yesterday, Hank walks through the door. He removes his hat and sunglasses as he approaches the counter. He shoots Connor a shy smile as eases onto his usual stool. 

The smile fades though, as soon as Hank gets a good look at Connor’s face. “Christ, what happened to you?” 

Connor yawns. “I get insomnia sometimes, no big deal.”

“No big deal? You look like you’re about to pass out!” 

“It’s fine, I promise. Black coffee?” 

Hank sighs. “Only if I can pay for one for yourself.”

Connor smiles weakly, not willing to argue. Coffee sounded really nice right about now. 

When the coffees are done, he places Hank’s in front of him, and then leans against the counter, taking a sip from his own mug. He scowls a bit from the bitterness, but powers through it. He needs to last the entire shift, now more than ever. 

They drink in a comfortable silence. Connor observes Hank, finally getting a better look at his face. His face is wrought with wrinkles and worry lines, his beard unkempt and wiry. Sometimes he can catch a glimpse of his tooth gap whenever he smacks his lips.  
The longer he stares the more he blushes. Hank’s bright eyes flick to Connor’s, and he feels a burst of warmth in his chest.

Niles is always right.

Maybe Connor is just vulnerable right now, from how raw last night was. He didn’t know, but at this point his plan to stay away was crumbling. He’s lonely, he craves the connection. Friendships had always distracted from work so he ended up having none.

But with Hank... Well he wasn’t staying here forever, and whenever he left the diner he went off and did his own thing. He wouldn’t be disruptive. Plus, he seems generous. If he can keep getting great tips from him, it could keep his family stable for a while.

“Uhh Connor, you good?” Hank’s snapping his fingers in front of Connor’s face. 

It startles him out of thoughts. “Yeah of course, just lack of sleep, you know.”

“You sure you’re not sick or something? Your face is flushed pretty bad.” Hank points out. 

“No, no. I just get like that when I’m... Sleepy?” Connor groans internally. Smooth as always. 

Hank seems to accept that, or at least pretend to for his sake. “Alright well, usually you’re talking my ear off by now. Kinda freaked me out for a bit there.” He smirks.

“Ah well, thanks for reminding me. You finally gonna tell me about where you’re from?”

And so Hank does. He tells Connor he grew up in Detroit and lives there now. Connor of course asks him a million questions, about random things like what the skyline is like and if the people are nice. He asks to see photos but Hank tells him he doesn’t have his phone on him. So that leads into his next question. 

“So... Why are you here then?”

“What’d I say about one personal question a day?” 

Connor sighs. “Fiiiiine. I’ll be patient.” 

They speak amicably for the next hour, Connor only pulling away to tend to the register occasionally. Before he knows it Hank is leaving again, off to do... Whatever it is he does. 

 

\---

 

And as is routine, he talks to Niles about this kind, but strange mystery man. And in response, he mostly just teases him about his little crush. 

For the next week, the days are much like this one. Hank comes in at noon each day, orders a black coffee, and waits for Connor to ask his question for the day. Many are simple, like does he have any pets? (“Ah, a big ole St. Bernard. His name is Sumo.”) What are some of his hobbies? (“Eh, I dabble in a bit of fishing.”)

Some are a lot tougher, and those are the ones Hank declines. Questions about his family, why he covered his face when he and Connor first started talking, when he was leaving. He would drop it, but those unanswered questions nagged at him in bed each night. Niles warns him about Hank, how someone so secretive is probably too good to be true. He jokes that he’s a murderer and came to town to hide. Connor simply brushes it off.

But his thoughts always drift back to what Hank said; About running away. So at this point it’s been two weeks since Hank came to town. Connor loves talking to him, even about insignificant things. But he wants to truly connect with him. He must need to go home soon, anyway; They’re running out of time. 

So as Hank is sipping on his daily black coffee, the question that’s been tormenting him for the past week slips out.

“What are you running away from?” 

Hank freezes for a moment, and then gently sets the cup down on the counter. Hank stares at the cup, breathing heavily. His eyes flick to Connor, piercing blue gaze sending chills down his spine. 

“I...” He cuts himself off.

“I can’t talk about this.” He tosses a $20 on the counter and bolts to the door.

“Hank, wait!” Connor tries to go after him. But he stops. His mother’s words echoes in his head. 

He can’t lose any hours, any money.

He’s just met Hank. He can’t sacrifice his brother’s life for a stranger. 

He’s thankful the diner is empty as he breaks down, weeping. He manages to drag himself through his shift. He didn’t want to go home, didn’t want to prove Niles right.

Walking across the street, he still remembers the room number. He knocks.  
No response.

He knocks twice more. He pounds on the door. Shouts Hank’s name. He looks like a madman.

What if he’d already left? Without even saying goodbye? 

Nah, Connor wouldn’t accept that. 

He tries to door handle.

_Click._

It’s unlocked. The first thing Connor sees is Hank’s large form sprawled across the bed.  
“Hank?!” Connor shouts as he rushes to the bed. He shakes him a few times before the unmistakable stench of alcohol hits him. He sighs and turns Hank on his side. He’s out cold. 

With Hank out he can actually explore the room properly. The empty suitcase still lays abandoned in the corner, inconsequential as ever. He turns to the TV that sits on a drawer, and hesitates before snooping, not wanting to violate Hank’s privacy. But damn, is he desperate. 

The top drawer is filled with clothes; He must’ve been planning on staying here long term since the beginning. Connor rifles around it a bit before moving to the drawer below upon finding nothing of interest. This time it was filled with underwear and socks, which made Connor feel positively like a creep, but it’d only be a quick check. A couple pokes and prods around, he nearly withdraws until he accidentally jams his finger into something much harder. He hisses as a result of the sudden pain but quickly makes work of finding the mystery object. Hidden below all the underwear was a shirt wrapped around some square object. 

He takes it out and unravels it; The shirt bears a boat logo with the word “Tillamook” beneath it.

He frowns, unfamiliar with the name or logo, before setting it on the dresser. Now sitting in his hand, was a small black box. Something uncomfortable curls in Connor’s stomach; A gut feeling that there’s something not right about this box, but he gently opens it regardless. 

There lay a perfectly preserved seashell. Connor picks it up delicately, sensing its importance. Pale pink and glossy, like it was picked right off the beach. 

“What the fuck.” Connor whispered under his breath. Why keep something like this? He heard movement behind and jumped, nearly dropping the seashell. He speedily places if back in the box before he swerves around to find Hank sitting up in bed, wide awake. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Hank bellows.

“I-I was worried-“ Connor stutters.

“And that gave you the right to break into my room and look through my shit?!” Hank runs forward and snatches the box from Connor’s hands.

“Hank please-“ Connor grabs Hank’s wrists. Without thinking, Connor rushes forward and captures Hank’s lips in a passionate kiss. He pours his entire being into it, trying everything in his power to convey just how he was feeling.

He hoped that even if Hank hated him, he knew how much he meant to Connor. 

There’s a moment where everything is still. Hank doesn’t kiss back, but he doesn’t push him away either.

And then it all crumbles. Hank stumbles back, breathing heavily. 

“Do you think this is some kind of joke to you? To mess with people’s heads like this?” Hank yells, strained. 

“N-No, I just panicked okay?! I hate when people yell at me, I just didn’t know what to do!” Connor shouted back, trying to bite back tears.

And then something in Hank’s face shifts. He lets out a deep sigh and plops down on the bed, burying his face in his hands.

“Hank-“

“Don’t. Just let me think.”

“I’m-“

Hank groans. “I just can’t be around you right now, okay? Please leave me alone.” 

Connor lets out a shaky breath. “Okay.” He whispers under his breath. 

He speeds towards the exit and doesn’t look back as he shuts the door behind him. Connor can’t even break down. The tears stopped long before he walks through the front door of his house. He just feels numb, empty.

He completely skips Niles’ room and curls up in bed, staring at the wall. All the nerves throughout his body buzz with dread. He doesn’t know how much time has passed when he hears his door creak open. He sits up and jerks his head in the towards the noise.  
“Niles? You should be in bed.” Connor whispers. He just shrugs as he continues towards Connor’s bed, struggling slightly with his swollen knees. He cringes as he eases himself onto it.

“You could’ve texted me if you needed anything.” 

“I don’t need anything, but I think you do.” Niles flashes him a soft smile. 

“Am I really that transparent?”

“You’re like an open book, Con.”

Connor sighs and lays back down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That bad, hm?” 

“You could say that.” 

Niles chews at his bottom lip for a moment. “You always told me it’s good to talk through things.”

“Yes, you. That doesn’t apply to me.”

“I don’t think that’s how psychology works.” Niles smirks. 

Connor thinks for a moment. The worst Niles could do is make fun of him, and he’s never been the type to dismiss others’ feelings. He sits back up and squeezes his eyes shut. 

“I fucked things up with Hank, really bad.”

“How bad?”

“Beyond repair, probably.”

And then Connor goes on to recount the events of that day. Niles’ expression remains unreadable the entire time. 

Niles whistles. “Yeah, wow. You really fucked up.” 

“Yup.”

“Like I think this might be your worst fuckup yet.”

“Thanks for the support Ni, really appreciate it.” Connor snarks. 

Niles sighs. “Listen Con, I won’t lie to you. This is _bad_. But I don’t think it’s beyond repair.” 

“How so? I literally forced myself on him in the middle of an argument, Christ.”

“Don’t get me wrong, that was a terrible decision. But I don’t think he hates you.”

“He didn’t want to be around me.”

“Yeah, right now. He needs to cool off, and so do you.” 

Connor sighs. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

Niles cocks his head.

Connor shrugs before continuing. “I can’t let myself get distracted with shit like this. It’s better this way.”

Niles frowns. “Ever since you two became friends this is the happiest I’ve seen you since high school.” 

Connor stares at his hands. 

“You know you deserve to be happy right? I don’t want to hold you back.”

“You don’t.” Connor replies without hesitating. 

Niles turns and stares at the wall. “You know I wouldn’t be angry if you left, right? Just... Finally chase after your dreams. Get married. Live a fulfilling life.”

Connor swallows hard, and tries to control his shaky voice. “I’ve told you, time and time again, that if I finally escape, you’re coming with me.”

“Is that even possible Connor? Maybe you can come back later, when you have the money. But this town... You can’t be happy here.” 

Connor breaks. “You’re not happy here either! And you think I’ll trust mom to take care of you properly?! We’re in this together.”

Niles finally looks at him in the eye. “All I’m saying is that I know how you feel about this guy. And if he reciprocates, which I’m sure he does, you should go for it. He could be your out.” 

Connor shakes his head. “How can you be so sure he feels that way? You’ve never even met him.”  
“Well I’ve met you, and I know he’d be an idiot not to.”

Connor can’t help but smile. “You seem a little biased.”

Niles huffs a laugh. “Maybe. But will you at least consider what I said?”

“I’ll... I’ll think about it. Thanks, Ni.”

Niles beams. “You know I’m always here for you.”

 

\---

 

Connor manages to sleep that night. He goes into work, holding onto the blind hope Hank will drop by for his noon coffee.

It doesn’t happen. 

Connor struggles not to cry, but he keeps going. He always does. He has to. So he goes about closing up shop for the night, trying to think about anything but Hank. As he’s about to leave he realizes it’s started raining. How fitting.

Without an umbrella he heads out, trying to shield his head with his jacket. When he finally looks up though, he stops in his tracks.

There, standing there soaking wet, is Hank. He flashes a wan smile and Connor nearly melts from the warmth that spreads throughout his body. 

Hank begins to step forward but Connor meets him halfway, crashing into him with the fiercest hug he’s ever given. Hank hugs back, wrapping his arms tightly around Connor’s skinny frame. 

Tears prickles Connor’s eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry, I’m-“ 

“Shh, it’s okay. I think if anyone needs to apologize, it’s me.” 

Connor reluctantly pulls back to look at Hank. 

“What do you mean?”

The sadness in Hank’s eyes betray his smile. “I’m not gonna say what you did wasn’t fucked up, but I shouldn’t have blown up on you like that. And I’ve been treating you like shit ever since I got here... I get why you did it. I’m sorry, Connor.”  
Connor frowns. “You were only an asshole this first few days.”

Hank sighs. “I mean keeping you in the dark. I’m too old to be pulling shit like this. It’s unfair to you.” 

Connor nods. “So... What do we do now?”

“If you’d like to come back to my room... I’d like to tell you. Everything.”

Connor agrees without hesitation, and Hank walks him back to his motel room, hand resting on the small of his back. 

They sit next to each other on the bed, appreciating the silence just for a moment.

Hank clears his throat. “So uh... Where should I start.”

“Hmm... From the top, I guess. You never told me about where you worked or anything.” 

Hank nods. “Alright well. My full name is Hank Anderson. I’m 54 and work as a homicide detective. That’s about all I can give without a lot of backstory.”

“And everything you’ve told me so far is true?”

“Yeah of course. I wouldn’t outright lie about shit. What do you wanna know about next?”

Connor knows immediately what he wants to ask. It’s risky based on the previous attempt, but he trusts Hank not to run this time. “This has been bothering me for a while now, and I think you know that. What are you running from?”

Hank just nods, likely expecting the question. He rises and goes to his underwear drawer, where he retrieves the box, once again wrapped neatly in the Tillamook shirt. He unravels the box as he sits back down the bed, placing the shirt to the side. He stares at the box as he begins to speak.

“I didn’t always live in Detroit. I grew up there and live there now, but there was a period of time I was elsewhere.”

“Where?”

“The Oregon Coast.”

Hank swallows hard. “You see my ex wife and I... We rushed into marriage because I got her pregnant. She was originally from Newport and wanted to raise our kid there. I agreed, and we got settled in by the time he was born.” 

Hank takes a shaky breath before continuing. “When Cole was born he was fucking perfect. The light of my life, you know. But there was just one thing wrong. When they took him to do screenings, they came back looking all concerned and shit. They told us...” Hank’s breath hitches. 

“They told us he had cystic fibrosis. It was treatable nowadays, he could easily have a long life. We weren’t completely relieved though. What parent wants to hear that their child is doomed to a lifetime of pain and pills? But we did everything right. All the medication, therapy. Helped break up that fucking mucous anytime it got too bad.”

He opens the box, revealing the pale pink shell Connor had seen the previous night. 

“He loved the beach... So much. Had an entire shell collection.”

He lifts Connor’s arm and opens his palm before plucking the shell from the box and placing it on his hand.

“That one was his favorite. Always worked so hard to keep it as shiny as the day he brought it home. I keep it clean for him.” Hank smiles fondly for a moment before sighing. “Soon after he turned 6 his mom and I split. It was amicable, we did it for Cole. We just didn’t fit well together. So I moved back to Detroit. He’d stay with his mom during the school year, I’d get him for the summers. It worked out okay.”

And then Hank squints, like he’s in pain. 

“And then, two months ago… Shit happened.”

Connor takes the box from Hank and places the shell back inside, setting it safely behind them on the bed. He sidles closer and grasps his hand, squeezing. He can sense this wouldn’t be easy. 

And to his surprise, Hank squeezes back. “It seemed like a completely normal day. We were talking about how school was starting soon. I’d been worked to the bone in this recent case, so I headed to bed early. Cole started calling out for me, but I was just too exhausted. I figured I’d deal with it in the morning.” Hank swallows hard. 

“Well. I wake up and make breakfast. I go to wake him up and. He doesn’t wake up. I’m shaking him and shouting.” Hank’s voice is strained, tears threatening to fall. “I call the ambulance. They tell me he passed in his sleep. There’s nothing they can do...”

“I just scream. I tell them to stop lying to me. I know I’m supposed to call my wife but I can’t.” Hank looks Connor in the eye, cheeks tear stained and eyes bloodshot.

“I killed my son over a few extra hours of sleep.” He breaks down, curling in on himself. 

Connor doesn’t know what he can do other than wrap his arm around Hank and hold him close. He rubs his back soothingly, giving them both time to process everything.

After an indeterminate amount of time the shaking stops, crying only reduced to a few sniffles. Hank moves back to lock eyes with Connor. His voice is raw when he speaks. 

“So if you’d like to know why I ran. I was supposed to finally start fucking therapy, I got a call to finalize the appointment. So I just booked it. Left my phone behind, took my shitty hat and sunglasses just in case someone would recognize me. I’m such a selfish bastard I didn’t even make sure Sumo had a sitter. I could’ve just fucking cancelled, but no. I just fucking ran, like the coward I am. I couldn’t stay there.” 

Connor unlatches from Hank, only to grasp his shoulders. 

“You listen to me. When I told you I wanted to run you didn’t shame me for it, and I’m going to treat you the same. It’s hard enough seeing the person you love in pain, but if Niles died? I’d be done. That’s it. But you’re here. Alive. I haven’t known you for long but you’re one of the strongest people I know.”

Hank huffs a humorless laugh. 

“I’ve thought about it before. That night, I came into the diner smashed. That was two months from the date. Rather than fucking put the work in to keep Cole’s memory alive, to make him proud, I just got drunk off my ass to forget like the piece of shit I am. And it fucking worked, because in the end all I could see was your face. ” 

His breath hitches. 

“And instead of pushing me away like I deserved, you peeled my sorry ass off the floor and took care of me. Even after how I’d treated you. I'm a terrible person Connor, I shouldn’t have ever let you get mixed up in this.” 

Connor shakes his head. He takes Hank’s hands and laces his fingers with his. 

“I told you that morning when we became friends, that someone is rarely an asshole for no reason. This is huge. And fuck’s sake Hank, this just happened to you! You haven’t had any time. Grief is a bitch, especially if you haven’t dealt with it.”  
Connor takes a deep breath.

“When my dad died I barely even understood what had happened. It didn’t hit me properly until years later. And the years following sucked. It’s not just something you get over.”

Hank snorts. “Usually it’s the old man that’s supposed to be the wise one.”

Connor lets himself smile for the first time during this conversation. “I think this town’s aged me an extra 20 years.”

Hank smiles back lightly, traces of sadness still evident in his eyes. “You know, I thought for sure this would finally get you to leave me alone.” 

“Ah, ask anyone around town. It’s terribly difficult to get rid of me when I’ve latched onto someone.” Connor winks. 

Hank furrows his brows. “That reminds me... Are kisses seriously your go to defense mechanism or?” 

Connor groans and buries his head in Hank’s shoulder. “Fuck, I was hoping you’d forget about that.” 

He pulls back to see Hank with a hurt expression plastered on his face, just realizing what he had implied. “Wait, fuck! I didn’t mean like that, it was just embarrassing... Fuck, I’m bad at talking.” 

“Yeah, I picked up on that.” Hank smirks. 

Connor sighs dramatically. “What I’m trying to say is that was very dumb of me, but I meant it.”

Hank raises his eyebrows.

“I know it’s real cliche but...” Connor inhales. “I’ve never felt this strongly about anybody, much less someone who I haven’t known for long. I know it’s a mess but... I really like you, Hank.”

Hank draws a shaky breath. “Are you sure?”

Connor cups his cheeks. “I’ve spent my life being unsure about everything I did. This though... I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Hank swallows hard. “I... I like you too, Con. But... We can’t.”

Connor pulls back like he’s been burned. “I know it’s complicated but-“  
“We just can’t, okay? I’m a fucking mess and I have to go home eventually. I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have.” 

Connor’s voice trembles. “I know it’s probably a bad idea but, I spent all of my life trying to be the perfect kid, just so I could get into college and escape. But then that didn’t happen and now I’m still expected to be perfect. I just... I want to do something stupid. I want to be selfish.” 

Hank gently holds his hands. “It’s just... It’s not just to protect you Connor. I don’t know how I’m gonna handle leaving you behind.”

“Can we just pretend. Pretend you don’t have to leave, just for a little while longer. We can figure it out.”

Something shifts in Hank’s eyes, the way he looks at him. He sees his resolve disintegrating rapidly.

“Okay.” Hank whispers before crashing his lips into Connor’s. 

Theoretically Connor’s kissed someone before. His first and only boyfriend, back in high school. He’d honestly just assumed kissing was pretty boring, but apparently all he needed was someone with experience. 

Hank kisses him softly, treating Connor like he could break at any moment. He deepens the kiss, lightly nipping at his bottom lip. Hank gently pulls back, blushing up a storm. 

“Let’s slow down for now, I’m completely drained.” He chuckles. 

Connor is panting, a little embarrassed that he got so worked up over a kiss. “Yeah, me too.” He breathes. Hank gives him the warmest look he’s ever seen, like he just stole all the stars in the sky for him. He brushes his thumb along Connor’s cheek, and he can’t help but lean into the touch. 

“Same time tomorrow?” 

Connor beams. “Like I’d have it any other way.”

They both stand up and as Connor starts to head to the door, Hank clutches his wrist. Connor’s about to ask what’s wrong when Hank pulls him into a tight embrace.

“Thank you... For everything.” He whispers. The warmth of his breath sends chills down Connor’s spine. Hank gives him one last kiss on the cheek before they part ways. The butterflies don’t stop as Connor heads home. His heart feels full, and he can barely contain himself. It feels like he needs to run and scream so his chest won’t burst. 

When he arrives home he makes a beeline for Niles’ bedroom. He’s laying in bed with an ice pack on his head, sweating. He looks up at Connor and smiles. 

“You’re home late. I’m hoping for good reason.” 

Connor grins and plants himself at the foot of the bed. “You could say that.” 

“Hmm... Was I right?”

“Yes, as always.” Connor rolls his eyes. 

There’s a pause. 

“I’m really happy for you, Con. You deserve this.”

He shrugs. “I owe you a lot, Niles. No matter what happens, I’m not gonna forget about you.”

Niles exhales. “I know that. Now be careful, doofus. I’ll be pissed if you get your heart broken again.”

Connor chuckles. “I’ll try my best.”

When he lays in his bed at night, all he thinks about is being in Hank’s arms. 

 

\---

 

The next day in the diner he’s wiping down the counters furiously to help combat his nerves. His coworkers look at him like he was a madman, but he simply ignored him. He’s just excited to see Hank today. 

It feels like far too long, but finally the clock strikes noon. Hank walks through the door right on time, shooting Connor a look so affectionate he swears he’ll melt. Connor had been so excited he’d put the order in just before Hank came, so there’s a steaming cup of black coffee already waiting for him on the counter. Hank saunters over and slides right onto his favorite stool, icy blue eyes continuing to gaze lovingly. 

“Hey.” Connor blushes at his own awkwardness. 

“Hey yourself.” Hank smirks. Connor’s legs feel like jelly. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Hmm... Lighter, actually. Turns out that talking shit really works.”

Connor sighs in relief. “Told you so.”

They sit in a comfortable silence as Hank takes a sip of his coffee. Connor tugs nervously at his shirt and clears his throat. “Do... Do you know when you’re leaving then?” 

Hank raises his eyebrows and sets the mug down. “I thought we were pretending?”

“I know I just figured... If you’re feeling better, maybe you have an idea now.”

Hank grunts. “I don’t I... I still don’t know.”

“I’ll let you know if I have an idea but yeah. I left a note so I don’t think they’re looking for me but... Soon. For now let’s go with your whole idea of pretending. I like that.” 

Connor lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. “Sounds good to me.”

Hank smiles before his eyes widen as if he just realized something. “Ah, and I meant to ask you. Do you get any days off?”

The question takes Connor aback. When was the last time he was asked that?

“I have plenty of vacation days but, I haven’t been able to afford a day off in what... Years?”

Hank looks mortified. “Years?! Christ Connor, I’ll comp you for the paycheck if you want. How are you still alive?!” 

“Uhhh... An undying love for my brother?” Connor cringes at himself. 

Hank shakes his head. “You’re crazy, kid.”

“Maybe. But why do you want me to take a day off?”

“To spend some time with you, dumb ass. But more importantly, when’s the last time you got any to take any photos?” 

Connor pauses for a moment, wracking his brain for an example. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’ve told me how much you loved it, I’d really like to see you in action.” Hank grips one of Connor’s hands, running his thumb over his knuckles. Connor didn’t realize how tense he was until he feels his muscles relax. “Well, I suppose my portfolio could use some updating. I’ll talk to my manager.” Connor smiles, turning his palm over to link hands with Hank properly. 

There was something about him that was so comforting to Connor. He was so warm and gentle, unlike anyone he’s met in this town. This sense of safety was alien to him, but he welcomed it with open arms. 

 

\---

 

The next few days consist of stolen kisses in the diner when nobody’s looking and quiet walks around town at night. Every time they part it gets harder. Every time they kiss it’s deeper, they put more of themselves in each little peck. And then finally, it’s Connor’s day off. He doesn’t tell his mother of course, he doesn’t even tell Niles just to be safe. He dusts off his camera, neglected for months, maybe even years now. He heads out at his normal time,only he goes to the park instead. Hank wouldn’t wake up for a while, so he warms up by capturing the scenery.

And for the first time in a while Connor felt... Alive. Like he wasn’t stuck, wasn’t just floating through space. He could keep track of the days again, he felt like there was purpose. At some point he had to put the camera down because he couldn’t contain his laughter. 

Happiness. Contentment. 

These may end up being fleeting but Connor would relish each and every moment. When it was about noon, he heads over to Hank’s motel. 

He’s already completely dressed when he gets there, wearing those stupid sunglasses because today was especially sunny. It felt like the weather was clear just for them. Hank watches lovingly as Connor takes photos of just about everything imaginable. He teaches Hank about his lenses and other shit he didn’t really understand, but he listens with rapt attention. He just liked seeing Connor so passionate. 

At some point Connor asks to take portraits of Hank. He reluctantly agrees, usually preferring to stay off the camera, but he was wrapped around this boy’s finger. He’d even brought his tripod just so he could some pictures of them together. The day goes by too quickly, and as the sun sets, they sit together on a park bench. Hank has his arm slung over Connor’s shoulders, holding him close. He clears his throat.

“I think I may leave tomorrow”

Connor whips his head around immediately. “Did I do something wrong?”  
Hank shifts to place his hands on his shoulders.

“Quite the opposite, actually. What I feel for you is... Terrifyingly strong. It’s been happening so quickly... I’m scared if I stay much longer I may never leave.”

Connor tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. “Would that really be so bad?”

Hank snorts. “Trust me, I’d love to stay with you but... I need to heal, Con. And I can’t do that if I keep running away.” 

Connor nods. “I know, you’re right. Will you... Will we at least keep in touch? I want to know how you’re doing.”

“Yeah, yeah of course. I’ll give you my number before I forget.”

Connor pulls out his phone and adds Hank’s contact. It’s bittersweet, but it’s a promise for a future together in some way. 

“When are you leaving tomorrow?”

“Probably around noon. I’ll wake up early so we can spend the morning together.” 

Connor sighs and nods. He knew what he was getting into, but fuck did it hurt. He leans in for a chaste kiss, savoring the feeling of Hank’s lips against his. He looks up and sees the sky has gone dark.

“Shit, I’m late. I gotta get home.” Connor hops up and extends a hand to help Hank stand. He brings him in for a tight embrace, and Connor tries to memorize the way he smells.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay baby?”

“Yeah, of course.” Connor smiles sadly. Hank gives him one last kiss on the forehead and then they part ways. 

When Connor finally arrives home something about the house is off. He heads to Niles’ room, and as his had touches the doorknob he’s interrupted. 

“Where were you?”

The sound of his mother’s stern voice is like a bucket of ice water. Dread seeps throughout his body, leaving him frozen in place,

“I was at work.” Connor’s voice trembles. He’s always been a terrible liar.  
She scowls. “Do you even know what’s been going on while you’ve been out frolicking? Your brother had another seizure. I called the diner since you were upset about last time, but they said you took the day off.”

Connor opens his mouth to speak but gets swiftly cut off. 

“How dare you go out and mess around while you’re brother is here suffering?!” She shouts. 

Connor hates yelling. He hates it so much. He shuts down, and retreats into the deepest recesses of his mind in order to protect himself. 

She shakes her head. “You’ve always been selfish Connor. Why don’t you put your brother first for once.”

Her eyes flick down to his camera, still hanging around his neck.

“I thought you gave up on that dumb hobby.”

That grounds him. Connor clenches his teeth. “It’s. Not. Dumb.” 

She lunges for the camera, but Connor’s reflexes are back in full force. 

“Connor. Give me the camera.”

Something cracks in Connor, deep inside. He can’t think of a time he’s felt so angry.

“Fuck off, I’m a fucking adult! It’s mine!” He screams. 

“Don’t talk back to me!” She yells, attempting to snatch the camera once more. 

“I’m not letting you take this away from me!”

Run. Run. Run. 

That’s all that’s on his mind as he sprints out the house, clutching the camera tightly to his body. He can’t stay there; He can’t lose the only thing he has left. He knows there’s only one place he can go, one place she can’t hurt him. 

He hurtles in the direction of the motel. 

He pounds on Hank’s door, sobbing. He can hear Hank grumbling from inside, likely trying to get some sleep. The door swings open and Hank’s expression is only grumpy for a split second before realizing what’s happening.  
“Connor? Holy shit what happened?”

“C-Can I come i-in.” He stammers. He feels pathetic. 

“Fuck, of course you can.” He steps to the side. 

Connor tosses his equipment to the ground haphazardly and hurries to the bed, slumping down on the mattress. He didn’t possess the energy to sit up. Hank seats himself next to him and combs his fingers through his hair; He’d recently learned how much that relaxed Connor. 

“You can talk when you’re ready.” Hank murmurs. 

Connor nods and removes the camera from his neck, placing it on the side table where it’d be safe. He sighs and looks up at Hank. “My mom found out I took the day off and screamed at me. She tried to grab my camera, too. She was probably gonna break it like my old ones.” Hot tears tears stream down his cheeks, and he just didn’t have the will to try and stop them. 

Hank gasps. “Fucking hell, Con. That’s horrible.”

Connor shrugs. “She only does things like this when I fuck up. Otherwise she leaves me alone.”

He scoffs. “There’s a huge problem if taking a break is viewed as a ‘fuckup’.”

“Maybe. Not like I can do anything about it.” 

Hank sighs and lays down next to Connor, pulling him close. “Listen, do you want me to intervene? Obviously this is out of my jurisdiction but I could probably talk to the local force. They’ll listen to another cop.”

Connor shakes his head. “If something happens to her then nobody will be there for Niles when he needs it. I’m too busy working to be at home in case of a seizure.” 

“Alright but... I know you don’t want to leave him, but wouldn’t Niles want you to be happy?”

“Of course he does but... We’ve been through everything together. I’m not leaving him alone with her.”

Hank exhales through his nose. “What do you need from me right now then.” 

“You... Just you.” He whispers.

They lay there until the tears stop, tangled in each other. Hank holds him tightly, whispering praise and encouragement in his ear. Connor focuses on the warmth, the gentleness. He stops thinking about the cruelty. He buries his face in his neck and takes in his scent. The only sound is their breathing. 

“How are you feeling?” Hank breathes.

“Safe.” He says softly.

Hank hums. “You can stay the night if you want. I don’t want you putting yourself in danger.”

Connor sits up and glances at Hank before leaning his forehead against his. 

“Thank you.”

Hank tilts his head and capture Connor in a slow, soft kiss. He made Connor feel fragile in the best way; Like he was precious, something to be kept safe. He cups Hank’s face with his hands, deepening the kiss. This time Hank doesn’t pull away, and instead parts his lips to allow Connor’s tongue to enter. Connor shifts to straddle him, and moans involuntarily when Hank grasps his hip. Hank pulls away so they can both catch their breaths.

“What are we doing right now.” He pants. Connor locks eyes with him, his icy blue eyes now warm with lust. 

“I need you...” He whines.

“Connor, you’re upset. I can’t take advantage of you like this.” 

Connor shakes his head. “I’ve wanted you like this since you first walked through that door.”

“I should’ve known you were into bears.” Hank smirks.

Connor rolls his eyes. “Way to ruin the moment.” 

Still smug, Hank reaches up to brush his thumb across Connor’s bottom lip. 

“Are you sure about this?” He murmurs. 

Connor trails his hand down Hank’s clothed chest. 

“More than anything.”

It probably was a stupid idea. Both of them were still raw, in pain. Tomorrow it’d be even harder to part.  
But it was also a stupid idea for Hank to run away from his problems, and for Connor to befriend some random asshole of a customer. It was stupid of them to kiss and hug and cry together, to let each other into their hearts. But what has blossomed from all those stupid mistakes, every single misstep. It all lead up to this; Two broken people learning how to heal from each other, how to value themselves. And for Connor well... That was worth every damn mistake he’s ever made in his life. 

Connor snaps out of his thoughts real quick when he feels a hand drift underneath his shirt. He shivers at the unfamiliar touch, and leans in to place chaste kisses along Hank’s neck. He feels the deep rumble of a groan as he starts to suck a love bite right above his collarbone. Connor gasps as Hank toys with the edge of his binder.

“Is this okay?” Hank purrs. 

“God, yes.” Connor whimpers. 

Connor quivers as Hank runs a thumb along the bottom of his left breast. It wasn’t nearly enough, just a tease. He needed more. Connor leans forward and crushes his lips against Hank’s, letting the hand on his chest drift further south. Hank moans into the kiss and bucks his hips as soon as Connor palms his growing erection. Their kisses grow more frantic and their hands explore every of each other’s bodies.

Finally, Hank withdraws the hand from underneath his shirt and gets to work on the buttons. Soon enough Hank is pushing the shirt off his shoulders, scanning Connor’s nearly naked torso. He reaches for his binder, then pauses. 

“How do I...?” 

Connor chuckles. “I got it.” 

He swiftly removes and tosses his binder to the side, sighing contentedly. Hank’s eyes rake his body, darkened with desire. He holds eye contact as he leans in to press kisses along his sternum. He gasps and leans his head against Hank’s, overwhelmed by the sensation and emotion. 

“You doing okay?” Hank whispers. 

Connor swallow hard and nods vigorously. Hank continues to plant kisses all the way up to his neck, where he starts nipping at the sensitive skin. He keens and throws his head back.

“You’re doing so well, darling. So good for me.” Hank purrs. Connor practically sobs at the praise.

“Hank please… I want to see you.” Connor pants. 

Hank chuckles warmly leans back. Connor grabs the hem of his shirt and gently pulls it off, nearly moaning at the site. The expanse of his torso was covered in coarse, gray hair, and his burly chest displayed a faded tattoo. He couldn’t keep his hands off him. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” He mewls, running his hands along Hank’s plush belly. He giggles a little; Apparently ticklish. That’s something Connor could explore later. 

But for now, he looks Hank directly in the eye as he begins to unbuckle his belt. Soon enough Connor is tugging Hank’s pants and boxers off. He honest to God moans when he sees Hank’s large cock, only half hard. Hank presses two fingers lightly under his chin and tilts his head up to look at him. 

“Have you done this before?” The affectionate look on Hank’s face assures Connor it isn’t a condescending question.

“Just once.” Connor murmurs. He reaches down to stroke Hank’s cock, causing his breath to hitch. Connor licks his lips as he feels him harden in his hand, white hot and straining. He thumbs at some precum gathering at the tip, causing him to buck his hips sharply.

“Fuck shit, keep that up and we’ll be finished before we’re started.” He breathes. 

Connor reluctantly releases his dick, only to pop his thumb in his mouth and sensually taste the precum that had gathered there. Hank groans. “You’re gonna be the death of me, kid.” 

He reaches down to start unbuttoning Connor’s jeans, tugging them along with his briefs down. He bites his lip at the sight of his dick, engorged with arousal. He lightly tugs at the small nub, earning a whiny mewl out of Connor. 

“Hank please… I need you.” He whimpers.

Hank nods and quickly pecks him on the lips before reaching into the bedside table and pulling out a wallet. He flips it open and yanks out a condom. Connor raises his eyebrows.

“Listen, post divorce life is lonely. I wanted to be prepared.” 

Connor just laughs. “Well it’s good to know you’re responsible.” 

Hank just shakes his head and tosses the condom next to him, reaching forward to jerk Connor off again. Just as he starts canting his hips, Hank moves his fingers down to start teasing his wet hole. Connor is about to complain when he slowly eases to fingers in, causing him to shudder.

“Fucking Christ, you’re so wet.” He gasps. “I need to fuck you.” 

His breath hitches as he removes his fingers, reaching for the condom. Just as he’s about to rip it, Connor snatches it and tears it open with his teeth. Hank sighs with something between frustration and awe. 

He smirks and gives his cock a few strokes before rolling the condom onto his shaft. He grasps his dick and positions himself above it, slowly guiding the throbbing length inside. Connor has to sink down slowly, not adjusted to such a large girth. When their thighs finally connect they lock eyes again. Hank lightly holds Connor’s head and pulls him into a kiss, helping him cope with the vulnerability of it all. He feels him lodged deep inside him, a closeness that Connor couldn’t even imagine he would ever feel. 

After taking a few moments to recover, Connor begins to move, rolling his hips slowly lazily. He moans into the kiss, unable to keep quiet. Hank runs his hands all along his body, eventually resting on his hips, where he grips them tightly. 

“Take whatever you need, baby. I got you.” Hank rasps. 

Connor sobs as Hank moves in to start leaving hickies along the expanse of his neck; Marking him, claiming him. Connor whines at the thought of belonging to him, and pistons his hips desperately. Hank pulls him down each movement, and he can feel his climax building rapidly. 

When Hank reaches down and plays with his t-dick, rolling it between his thumb and index finger, Connor honest to god screams. Tears prickle his eyes, the pleasure and emotion overwhelming him. Hank opts to wrap his free arm around his shaky frame and hug him close, to where he can no longer move. Holding onto Connor tightly, he begins to thrust up into him hard, causing both of them gasp.

Connor feels it coming, building up deep in his gut. Hank putting more pressure on his cock pushes him over the edge, and he cries out as ecstasy washes through his body. Hank comes after a few more desperate thrusts, groaning and biting down on Connor’s shoulder. He hugs Connor even tighter as he rides out his climax.

The two of them sit there for a moment in bliss, panting and sweating. Eventually Hank pulls out, still embracing Connor. Hank leans down against the pillows, holding Connor as close to him as possible. He reaches up to run his fingers soothingly through Connor’s hair. 

“No regrets?” Hank rasps.

Connor nuzzles his neck. “Not a single one.”

He feels himself begin to drift off, enveloped by the warmth of the man he believes he’s fallen for. As sleep begins to take him, he tries his best to memorize his touch, his warmth, his safety. The way he felt inside of him.

 

\---

 

They both wake up to the shrill sound of an alarm. Hank yawns and bangs the snooze button.

“Sorry, I set that to make sure I was up in time to see you.” Hank grumbles, rubbing his eyes.

Connor decides immediately that Hank’s sleepy voice is adorable. “Mmm it’s fine, I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” Connor mumbles, cuddling back up to Hank. 

He sighs. “We really need to shower before I pass out again.” 

Connor whines. “I don’t want to get out of beeeed.”

Despite his protests, Hank shifts to sit up. Connor groans dramatically.

“Has anyone told you you’re cute when you’re cranky?” Hank teases.

“Shut the fuck up.” He mutters. 

Hank rises from the bed, heading towards the bathroom located at the back of the room. “Alright, suit yourself. Just know that the shower will be awfully lonely without you.”

Connor immediately perks up, drawing a chuckle out of Hank. “Well why didn’t you just start with that?” 

“‘Cause you’re fun to tease.” Hank smirks. 

The shower is innocent, they just enjoy each other’s company. At one point Hank takes the washcloth and gently cleans Connor’s back, and he swears he’s never felt more loved and secure in his entire life. 

Once they’re clean and dry, they lay back down in bed. Hank is only clad in boxers while Connor insisted on stealing one of his shirts. It’s comically big in him, but he knows the way it slips down and exposes his collarbone drives Hank insane. 

And they just lay there, talking quietly. Mostly small, mundane stuff. But as the time draws near, Connor just can’t keep quiet anymore.  
“I know you leaving is the right thing to do. I’d never stop you. But I want you to know I’ll really fucking miss you.” Connor’s voice cracks.

“Con, I have no idea how I’m gonna deal when you’re gone. Fuck.” 

Connor laces his fingers with Hank’s. “You’re strong Hank, even if you don’t realize it. And I’ll be there in spirit. You can always text me if you need anything.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. And if you change your mind on how to deal with your mother... I’d be happy to send an email to your Sheriff.”

Connor sighs. “I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.” He murmurs. 

And soon after the clock strikes noon, Hank’s car is packed with everything he brought, except for the shirt Connor clutches tightly to his chest. Connor cries as they embrace for the last time, and Hank struggles keeping the tears down too. “Well... This is it.” Connor says, voice raw and strained. 

“Yeah... For now.”

“You promise?”

“Of course.” 

They both know there’s a lot of uncertainty. They could easily drift apart; in fact that’s more likely than not.

But they have hope, something neither had for a while now. 

“Look at me, Con” 

Connor’s eyes flick to Hank’s, red rimmed and teary.

“While I’m gone. I don’t want you to give up on the shit that makes you happy again. I saw how alive you were with that camera. You deserve to be happy”

Connor exhales. “I will, I promise. And so do you, Hank.”

Hank manages to crack a sad smile. “I’ll be expecting you to send me some as proof.”

“Of course.” 

They lean in for one last kiss, pouring their entire souls into it. Those three words die on Connor’s tongue that day. It hurts too much. But he hopes Hank can feel it through the kiss, just how deep Connor feels for him. 

And when they separate, a glint in Hank’s eyes tells Connor he knows exactly what he means. 

As his car pulls onto that lonely road, Connor snaps a photo. 

A new beginning, he tries to tell himself.

He stands there for a long time, just processing everything. As he finally heads home, he thinks about how safe he felt in Hank’s arms. When he opens the door, he thinks about how Hank made him feel loved. And as he tiptoes to Niles’ room, he thinks about how he’s never loved anyone like this. He cautiously opens the door, peering in to make sure his mother isn’t present. After confirming the coast is clear, he quietly shuts the door behind him and sits on the foot of Niles’ bed.

To his surprise, Niles begins to stir, yawning and rubbing his eyes. “Connor?” He whispers. 

“The one and only” Connor smirks. 

Niles sits up and hugs him tight.

“I was so worried. I heard everything, but I couldn’t get out of bed. I texted you but you never responded”

“Ah shit Ni, I’m sorry. I turned my phone off as soon as I got out of the house”

“I understand, I doubt you wanted to be found. I’m just glad you’re safe.” Then Niles frowns. “Wait, where did you stay last night?”

Connor can’t help the grin that spreads across his face. “Hank.”

Niles sighs. “I don’t need to beat him up, right?”

“No, Jesus! He helped me, alright. He left this morning though, so you don’t need to worry.” Connor remarks bitterly.

Niles glances at him sympathetically. “I’m so sorry, Connor.”

Connor nods. “It’s okay, he gave me his number. There’s still a chance. But um, how are you feeling today? You sat up pretty fast.” Connor cocks his head.  
Niles raises his eyebrows. “You’re right...” He stretches his arms experimentally. 

“Oh shit, I can actually move them again! Is the rash there?” Niles beams. 

“All clear.” Connor smiles back. 

“Holy shit... Remission already.” 

“Damn, maybe chronic remission isn’t bullshit.” Connor remarks.

Niles rolls his eyes. “Connor, I never said chronic remission was bullshit. I just didn’t think it was possible for me. But at this rate... Who knows.”

Connor hasn’t seen Niles smile this brightly since high school.

 

\---

 

And from there... Things got better. With Niles as a mediator he managed to convince his mother not to kick Connor out of the house. And now that he was in remission, there was less stress on Connor to work. He started taking more days off to add to his portfolio. 

After his conversation with Niles, he sent Hank a text to know it was him. The next day Hank responded in kind, and talked about how his first day back in Detroit went.

Sumo went nuts and jumped all over Hank for starters. He attached pictures of when the poor guy tired himself out. Next was dealing with his family and friends. There was definitely some anger, but his ex was just happy he was home safe. He was miraculously not fired, because his best friend is the Captain... But he’s on desk duty for the next 6 months. And then at the very end of that message, he attaches a picture of the Detroit skyline like Connor had asked all that time ago. 

Connor responded in kind; He’d spent the day editing the photos they took together, so they were ready to send. Hank sets one of them as his phone background. 

For the first month they don’t put a label on it. Hank puts his all into grief counseling, and Connor is there to encourage him. He keeps taking photos and sending them to Hank; It always brightens his day. 

At the two month mark they say I love you to each other for the first time, on a phone call in the middle of the night. At this point, they talked on the phone daily. Hank was still in the midst of grieving, so there were a lot of tough calls. But he claims he feels lighter each day. 

At three months Connor starts putting together resumes. He sends them along to Hank for input, who always gives him good marks. He may be a little bit biased. Niles is still in remission. It feels like a miracle. 

And then, one morning, he’s wiping down counters in preparation for customers as usual. When the clock strikes noon, that telltale bell echoes throughout the diner, but somehow it feels louder now. When he glances up, his jaw drops so quickly he feels like it might fly off. “Hank?! What are you-“ Connor cries. 

“Shh, do you happen to still remember my usual?” Hank winks. 

Connor tosses the rag down and jumps over the counter, nearly knocking Hank down when he goes into hug him tightly. Hank just chuckles and squeezes back. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Connor laughs, tears streaming freely down his face.

Hank thumbs at the corner of his eyes, trying to wipe the tears away.

“I needed to see you... And I might have a little surprise for you.”

He pulls out a Manila envelope. “I sent your work to a buddy of mine, he really liked them. Needs some graduation pics done for his kids.” He holds out the envelope for Connor to take. 

“W-what?” Connor’s voice trembles. 

“He loved your work, said you’re a hidden gem. He’s paying half up front. Open it.” Hank smiles.

Connor carefully takes the envelope as if it’s going to bite him. He gently opens the envelope and nearly passes out.

“T-this is _half?_ ” Connor chokes. 

“Yeah, I looked up the average rates for professional photographers and went with that.”

“I’m not a professional?!” Connor shouts incredulously. 

“Well he sure seems to think so. He also said if you do a good job he can recommend you to his friends who also need grad pics taken. I know you lean more towards nature stuff but...” Hank shrugs. 

Connor shakes his head and rests his forehead against Hank’s. “Fuck, I love you so much. I don’t care what it is, this is the shit I always wanted to do.” 

“Heh yeah. So you ready to put your two weeks in?” 

Connor pulls back. “M-my two weeks?” He stammers. 

“Yeah! There’s so many great opportunities in Detroit, especially if he starts referring you. You and Niles can stay at my place until you guys find an apartment, and that once you’re paid in full that should be enough for a down payment at any decent place.”

Connor suddenly feels dizzy. “I need to sit down.” Hank supports him and helps ease him onto a stool. 

“Fuck, I just don’t know Hank. God knows when I’ll be able to land steady work. How will I pay for his medication?” 

Hank smirks. “You act like I won’t help you if you need it.”

“I wouldn’t want to take anything from you.” 

“Seriously Con, don’t worry about it. I got more money than I need from the life insurance. I want it to go to good use, that’s what Cole would want.” 

Connor lets himself smile. Hank had come a long way to be able to say his name without bursting into tears. He nods. “Okay. I’ll talk to Niles but... I think he’ll say yes.”

So after a brief conversation with Niles, who was extremely on board, Connor puts his two weeks in. Hank stays at that same motel, not only to spend time with Connor, but he also plans on helping them move their stuff up to Detroit. So over the next two weeks, the three of them work on a plan to extract Niles from the house safely. Connor feels guilty about doing this to his mother at first, but he knows it needs to happen. They slowly move their possessions out of the house and into Hank’s motel room. When moving day comes, they’ve packed up everything the boys are bringing, aside from some clothes. 

As they’re moving the last of the boxes into Hank’s car, their mother finally confronts them. It’s not an easy conversation; In fact it’s barely a discussion. It’s just a screaming match between Niles and their mother. Connor can’t handle the yelling and hides in Hank’s car until it’s over. He tells Hank to stay with Niles in case his mother tries to pull anything. He doesn’t know how they reach an agreement, or if they reach one at all, but either way Hank and Niles emerge from the house unscathed. Hank hugs Connor close, assuring him he was safe now. 

That car ride up to Detroit was some of the most fun the brothers have had. It turns out Hank and Niles get along really well, after a few “If you hurt my brother I’ll kill you” threats. 

Upon getting to Hank’s house, Sumo assaults them, easily knocking poor Niles to the ground. But all is forgiven after a few apology licks. Only living in a one bedroom house, Hank lets Niles take the bed, bad back be damned. Connor and Hank cuddle up on the pull out bed each night, the contentment they feel from each other’s presence overriding any discomfort they feel. 

The apartment hunt is relatively quick, and Hank helps pay the down payment so they can move in quicker. Connor admits he’ll miss living with Hank,but it was more important to help Niles become independent. Poor kid doesn’t even know how to cook, so he had his work cut out for him.

And the graduation shoot goes swimmingly. Connor truly feels like he’s in his element for once. The family is extremely pleased, and soon enough he’s booked with clients. 

Meanwhile, Niles gets more independent each day. He can cook basic meals, do laundry, clean. He starts doing online college courses to really get his life moving. He begins going to Lupus support groups and makes friends. 

And as for Hank, he continues to work through his grief. It’s a battle everyday, but with so much love in his life, he feels hope. And on those beautiful spring mornings, watching Hank take a sip of his black coffee, Connor sighs in relief. He never takes a single day of his freedom for granted.

They put a photo of that diner on the mantle. Connor’s photo. And every morning, they’re reminded how lucky they are.


	2. Novum Initiis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bonus epilogue

_Two years later_

Connor wipes the sweat from his brow as he drops the last box on the floor. The new house was ready to become a home, all that was left to do was unpack and add their own little flair. He only glances around the new space for a moment before being grabbed from behind.

He yelps, earning a loud snort from Hank. He squeezes him tightly to the point he swears his ribs will crack.

“Gotcha.” He whispers before planting a chaste kiss behind his ear.

Connor sighs. “I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t scare me, my love.” 

Hank releases his vice grip and moves to stand in front of Connor. “Well where’s the fun in that?” 

Connor chuckles and shakes his head. “Whatever. Let’s get to work, we need to hurry if we wanna have the house look presentable in time for Thanksgiving.” 

“You got it babe. Niles still planning on coming?” Hank asks as he bends down to start rifling through the box Connor had just brought in.

“Yep, and I think he’s bringing that guy from his group. Chris, I believe.” 

“Ahh, well good for him. The more the merrier.” Hank remarks as he pulls out some frames. “Ohh look, guess this is the box with all our photos.” He gestures for Connor to join him, which he obliges without hesitation.

“Aw, that was such a fun trip.” Connor sighs dreamily. It’s a photo of the two of them at The Grand Canyon, the first vacation they ever took together. Hank suggested a road trip would be most fun, although the whole thing was pretty disastrous; Especially with his insistence on the use of ‘shortcuts’. But it was more than worth it when they finally made it there, especially with all the amazing shots Connor managed to get. 

“Mmm, we should definitely do something like that again.”

Connor scoffs. “Not unless you let me plot the route.” 

“Hey, getting lost was half the fun! Well, not that I ever felt lost with you.” Hank smirks.

Connor snorts. “Oh shut up. We can reminisce after we make a dent in these boxes.” 

“Alright, alright. But hey Con, one more thing?”

He sighs. “Yes, dear?” 

He sees Hank’s mischievous glance for a split second before he feels a very wet kiss on his cheek. 

“I love you.”

Connor laughs. “I love you too. Now seriously, let’s get to work. I’m not beginning this chapter of our lives with a botched Thanksgiving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/BlGHANK)

**Author's Note:**

> It means the literal world to me if you read this all the way through. Thank you.  
> Come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/BlGHANK)


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